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We hear of it every time we see a movie, we hear of it when we turn on to Oprah and we hear of it from relationship experts. So, what is unconditional love really? Each of us wants to feel this type of love. We think of it, dream of it, hope for it, fantasize about it and go to the lengths of the earth for it. We seem incomplete without it. Maybe the lack of it is the cause of most anger in life and our confusion. We each have this emotional need for it and it is just as real as our need for food to survive.
If you think of it most of the people that you know have no idea of what unconditional love really is. We each seem to prove our ignorance with our high divorce rate, alcohol and drug addiction, violence in schools and the ever increasing population in jails.
From the time we were children our misconceptions of love, mainly unconditional love, have been taught and ingrained upon us. We were told that if we did the “right” things like being clean, being quite, being obedient or in general “good” based on the views of others that we would be loved. We would notice that when we were “bad” that this love vanished in a puff of smoke. We were taught that love is indeed conditional no matter the person we were inside our how we felt. We basically had to buy love by doing or being a certain way with our words and behavior.
Is there anything wrong with conditional love? Every place we look we see it so it must be okay. Just think if that each time you pay me a dollar I will say that I love you. I could do that all day until you were broke but at the end of the day, would you feel any better about yourself or our relationship? Would you feel loved? Truth is that “NO” you would not. You would know that I only said it because you paid me to. How can anyone feel loved if we pay for it. The truth is that each and every one of us, male or female, adult or child, can only feel loved when it is given freely and UNCONDITIONALLY! The very nanosecond that we say something, do something or look a certain way for another we are really paying for the attention and the affection that we so desperately desire and need when we receive it. We cannot feel genuinely loved in this way.
REAL LOVE, WHAT DOES IT MEAN?
What is the only kind of love that can make us who we are meant to be? The answer is unconditional love, real love. We each seek this from the second we draw our first breath. We know instinctively that anything other than this is not love at all and that it is an imitation of the real thing. But our upbringing and our cultures cloud our hearts and our minds and we forget.
True love, real love, unconditional love is so much more different than the love that most of us experience most of our lives, unless we have been very lucky. This real love is defined by caring about the happiness of another person whoever it may be without any though for what we might get for ourselves. When we care for others as well as family the same, this is real love and unconditional love.
If one likes us for doing what they want or expect this is not real love at all. If so all that is happening is that love is being paid for yet again.
How do you know when you are receiving real love, unconditional love? You know when you make a mistake or fail to do what others want or when we get in the way of another. You know because the other individual is not disappointed in you or irritated with you. This is real and unconditional love. They are allowing us to be us and who we are meant to be and to grow and to learn. This love alone has the power of all of humanity, to heal all wounds and to bind nations together more than you can ever imagine.
WHAT DO WE DO WITH “FAKE” LOVE?
If we don’t have enough Real Love in our lives, the resulting emptiness is unbearable. We then compulsively try to fill our emptiness with whatever feels good in the moment—money, anger, sex, alcohol, drugs, violence, power, and the conditional approval of others. Anything we use as a substitute for Real Love becomes a form of Imitation Love, and although Imitation Love feels good for a moment, it never lasts and never gives us the feeling of genuine happiness that Real Love provides.
It is up to us to love unconditionally and to show the others in our lives what it is. By this example we can each share this feeling of pure love and allow it to grow in our generation and the next. This love, this unconditional love can indeed change the course of human kind and it all begins with us and all of those to whom we are connected.
I love each of you unconditionally. I always have and always will weather I know you or not in this life.