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Image courtesy of “The Rumpus

Sometimes in our busy and stressful lives, we tend to blame so many others for things and situations for how we feel. Sometimes the blame is well placed but if we stop and look at it, more often than not, it is not. Many times, we each blame others when we become afraid of something or a situation or when we find ourselves losing control of something.

I think that a lot of the time it is a fear of losing control over something, be it inward our outward. That I think is why we blame others or find fault in things or people.

We blame others for things and see things that are not really there because of an inability or low point in dealing with a challenge we ourselves are facing. We begin to find fault in everything and everyone around us and target it to get that feeling of control back.

This fear, depending on its source, grows and eventually needs an outlet and then that is when we blame others.

Each of us at times will blame others when we have a bad day or when we are feeling bad and often times the people, we blame have nothing at all to do with that emotion or feeling at all and have no idea except they are being blamed for something and they are left confused and sometimes hurt.

One thing that I honestly try to remember when I begin to do this is to ask myself a few questions:

  1. Is the person I am mad at really the reason I am feeling like I am or is it because of something inside of me that I am having an issue with?
  2. Am I just having an off day?
  3. Am I afraid of something?

Usually when I answer these questions is it only then that I know that either I have the right to blame and be angry or I do not. Most of the time I do not! The person or things I am focused on are innocent bystanders and it is my own fear or loss of control that has made me think in this way.

So let us ask ourselves these questions and place blame where it needs to be, on a mood, a fear or loss of control or worries that we have from time to time.

Don’t stop blaming people when the blame is warranted but just find the real things that should be blamed when it’s not those around you.

Instead remember to ask yourself these questions and then maybe the one your blaming may just be able to help and comfort you or at least be there when you need them. It is okay to be week, to ask for help and it is okay to open up and to talk about how you feel. Its healthy and it is important.

When we blame we leave no room for love!